Derek Tillotson

Meditation Reflections

I'm something like a month and a a half into daily meditation, and almost a month into twice-daily meditation. I was somewhat unsure (but totally open) to what the practice would accomplish. But there have been plenty of changes that have struck me in this time...

I'm quick to get out of bed in the morning. I also usually wake up before my alarm at this point. I've also been sleeping better on the whole. The rare times I do wake up in the middle of the night, I'm back asleep quickly.

I haven't missed out on anything meaningful. 30 minutes of meditation in the morning and 15-20 in the evening sounds like a lot. But when I look at the ways I would often spend my time during the day, I can reasonably cut out time wasters in order to grow my spiritual health.

And on that note: I feel reenergized, spiritually. There are many, many negative voices in current society, especially if you spend a lot of time on the internet. People have their opinions, they refuse to see a situation in which others could have a different view, and they will attack those who don't see everything exactly the same. It's a dangerous mindset and there's no wonder people have more anxiety than ever. I don't believe it's because the world is worse than ever, but the voices of the people of world are now more accessible than ever. Between leaving social media, minimizing my news consumption, and picking up meditation, I find myself either embracing the good in situations, or simply observing things from the outside. And when I hear those negative voices, I can better brush them off.

I'm writing less. Not because I don't enjoy it--I love writing, but I'm starting to see it more of a tool that should be used when I see a need for it and not something I should do just to do. For the longest time, I would use writing as a meditative exercise. As it turns out, meditation is also a meditative exercise--a much more potent one.

When I was doing the digial declutter, I started to realize just how frightened people are by boredom. Just the other day, I mentioned how I'd like to try a sensory deprivation tank, and the response was an immediate shot of disgust. "That sounds so boring," they said. But having added meditation to my daily practice, I've become much closer to my mind. I've lost any fear of being in solitude (as in: having no outside stimuli, such as: Podcasts, TV/movies, books, music, or other people) and have come to enjoy my own company.

Most importantly, I'm at a point where I am able to take massive control of my emotions. I've always been a rather emotional person. But now, not only do I worry less and take things less personally, I am also much calmer as a whole. If I want to be energetic or intense (both of which can be useful at work), I've become better at unleashing those when needed, not when they just happen. Controlling things like frustation, anger, and annoyance is a constant practice--one that Buddhist monks devote a good chunk of their time to--but it's something that I've made massive strides in. I'm grateful for that.

Written June 26, 2020

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